I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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