Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
