Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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