I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
