Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize