Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
