I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
