and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
