I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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