How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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