I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have fence marks all over my body
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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