please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
