my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I've blown a few things in my day
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Mom said you looked used
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
