he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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