yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
this boner is exhausting
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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