May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
