Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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