All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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