i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ladies don't puke and tell
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
