i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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