Sponge bath it is.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
