Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
