I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
