If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
