It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
