Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
