I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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