to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
