This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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