drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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