just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
