i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize