Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
