Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
