I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
