You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
