I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Someone came in the potted fern
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
