yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
zippers are such a cool invention
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
