I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize