i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
