I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
