Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
