Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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