I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
