I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
