Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
