I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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