I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You're like the curious george of whores
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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