You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
