why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
