I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
why do cheetos always look like penises
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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