She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
