i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
