I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
