weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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