Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
