I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm at about main and main street
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
