I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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