We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
