He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
