I am puke
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize