every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
