fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize