Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize