It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
