I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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